The Norms of Medical PTSD
One thing I didn’t expect to develop from my disabilities is a form of PTSD.
I feel like this comes for a lot of people with EDS, especially type 3.
I’ll just be sitting in public minding my own business, and then bam: a flashback of my knee dislocating pops into my head. I feel the pain like it was yesterday, and my heart races. This isn’t new.
I can’t watch bones break or injuries happen in movies. I have a full-on panic attack when it pops on the screen; I’ll have to close my eyes or get out of the theater as soon as possible. I literally couldn’t keep looking at it if I tried.
Most of my friends already know this, and they’ll usually tell me when it’s okay to look— which, by the way, I appreciate so much.
Some people have made me look again, saying I was “all clear” as a joke. This isn’t funny to me.
One time I saw some character’s ligaments snap in her ankle. When it happened, I screamed. It’s not something I can control.
Many disabled people have triggers, and this one of mine isn’t that rare. I know many people that struggle with the same exact thing.
Just like movies, if someone gets injured in front of me, I’ll have a full-on meltdown if it involves joints or bones.
My brain gets sent into panic mode, and I’m experiencing the pain I know all too well. It’s like a phantom that follows me around. All I can do is try and keep it calm, and remind that part of me that I’m okay.
This reaction is valid, and I’m not trying to hide it. This is something many people my age don’t experience, and I’m going to try my hardest to explain the struggle.
I mean, my brain is always ready for the worst. I could be doing nothing and a joint dislocates. I’m not exaggerating; I’m serious.
Sometimes my knees will dislocate in my sleep. It’s basically my version of a fun alarm clock.
If I turn the wrong way to stand up … pop goes the weasel. I know some of my high school friends saw that first-hand in our senior year human anatomy class.
I know it freaked out a lot of people that day, but keep in mind, that was only one of many. I bet none of y’all knew my knee dislocated at prom junior year while I was dancing. It’s so normal that I do a good job hiding it when it happens.
Even while I write this, I have to take a five-minute break in between parts. Just talking about it makes my body tense up.
I’ve had this since I was little. Before I was diagnosed, I had no idea what made my joints pop out. It always happened randomly. If there was a long period of time between dislocations, I was terrified. It’s like waiting for a jump scare, but instead of a scary clown, it’s your body.
Sometimes, my shoulder will pop out when changing. If I write with a pen, my fingers dislocate. It’ll just happen whenever.
I remember thinking this is something everyone experienced. Newsflash: it’s not.
So hey, I hope I gave you some insight into the world of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Sounds so exciting, right? Just wait: when I’m ready, you’ll hear even more. Buckle up, it’s a wild ride.
Sincerely, Abbey