Fear of the Unknown
Letting go is one of the hardest things anyone can do.
Whether it’s starting a new chapter of life or freeing yourself from a toxic connection, it’s something that’s difficult to achieve. You have to truly let go and trust yourself and the future. You have to accept the fact that you have no control—something that’s so hard for me to do.
I know, at least for me, the idea of letting go of someone or some expectation causes an inner, unexplained battle. If I’m being honest, I’m experiencing it right now as I’m writing this blog post.
No matter how bad someone could treat me, I see the good in everyone I meet. If it’s a situation, I always try to see a positive in the darkest times.
Some people may see this as a blessing or a curse. If I’m being honest, both sides are right. This is a blessing and a curse bundled up into one, all-encompassing experience.
While I sit here writing at 8:50 p.m. one random night, I’m entering a new chapter. I’ve just graduated, and it’s time for me to truly grasp what I want out of life.
How do I want to be remembered? What legacy can I leave behind? How do I overcome my fears? Am I really able to take on the responsibilities and never-ending workload of being a journalist?
Guess what? Every question above has the same answer: I don’t know. All I know is that I believe in myself and that words are my way to make an impact.
Ever since I was little, I remember sitting on my bed until 1 a.m. on a school night listening to music. I would think to myself, “Man, I want to make people feel something just like these songs do.”
While I might not be a lyrical genius, I found out I can actually write. This is my outlet to let people, like myself, be heard.
Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself as a writer growing up; it’s almost comical to look back on. I thought I sucked at writing. I literally avoided it at all costs until I got to college.
Moral of the story: I found out writing was my way to be vulnerable; I could show people they aren’t alone.
Growing up, I thought I was the only person that had these troubling thoughts. I truly thought being mentally ill was something to hide.
The stigma and judgment behind mental illness stopped me from being a light for people who feel just like me.
One of my exes said that I was weird when I told him I felt like there were other, unpleasant voices in my head. Want to know something? This very comment kept me from seeking help for almost three years.
I felt like an outlier, almost as if I was the only person who had something mentally wrong with them. I thought I was a disgrace, someone that needed to hide themselves.
Now look at me: I’m here to tell you that those voices are liars, and many people experience these same unpleasant narratives.
Those thoughts aren’t you; instead, they are something more. Most likely, it’s an intrusive thought stemming from trauma, insecurities or mental illness.
It’s crazy how a psychology minor can show you that you truly aren’t alone—that there’s scientific evidence explaining why you are experiencing your pain.
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to not be to be in control of your future. It’s okay to make mistakes; not a single person on this earth is perfect. No matter how much you want to be that exception, it’s unobtainable. You are not a super human.
Not one person you cross paths with is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, and it’s okay if these very people don’t like you. You don’t have to be liked by everyone; you just have to be true to yourself.
Being your most authentic self is the most important thing you can do in life. Sticking with your own values and ideas is crucial.
Want to know something? Letting go and moving on is also a part of your true self. It’s a season of growth you need to accept.
Will it be hard? Absolutely, but will it be worth it? 100%.
I guess what I’m saying in this rant of a blog post is that new chapters are meant to happen. You may know when these shifts occur and you may not; that’s the beauty of life. It’s all a big surprise.
All you can do is prepare yourself for the challenges. It’s so important to figure out your values, goals and overarching themes within your own life.
Remember: the only one who truly experiences your life is you. Make it what you want it to be, and don’t run away from the new chapters in your life.
In fact, welcome challenges and unknowns with open arms. You never know, that experience may bring you closer to the person you are meant to be.
Sincerely, Abbey
Photography: Abbey C.