It’s Okay Not to be Okay
I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights I have stared into the black abyss of my room and asked the question, “Am I really okay?”
Most of the time, my answer is “I don’t know.”
Emotions are powerful, messy, and complicated. Sometimes, I’m upset when everything is going right for me. I thought this was a side no one should see for the longest time. I put on a mask of happiness during the day and cried myself to sleep at night. Now, I know sharing my experiences isn’t weak, it’s empowering and helpful.
I see sadness as a light switch you can’t control. When the light switch is on, life is great. Once it flickers off, even if it’s just for a second, you’re numb. Overwhelmed by darkness, undesirable thoughts, and white noise. When I’m sad, everything around me moves in slow motion. Time stops, and I’m forced to feel the emptiness.
As I’m writing this, my light switch is off. Confusion is a very prominent emotion in this sadness. When I get this way, there’s more than one thing bothering me. I hold in all of my emotions until they all come spilling out. Once they spill, I’m forced to clean up the mess. If there’s anything I need to work on, it’s dealing with my problems as soon as they happen. I usually just push them under the rug and distract myself with friends or school.
With the pandemic, this is especially hard to do. Yeah, I have school work, but I’m not getting out nearly as much. Everything is online, and you can’t hide your emotions in your own home. Even when you try to convince yourself that you’re not dealing with your overwhelming emotions, they’re still there.
The world’s standard is that you should always be okay, even if you aren’t. Well, let me tell you, it’s okay to not be okay. Emotions demand to be felt. Just because society upholds happiness doesn’t mean we should bottle up the sadness; that just makes the situation worse.
I’ve come up with a simple list to help you get through these negative emotions. Keeping them pent up inside doesn’t work. You need to feel the emotions, fully. It just has to be done in a healthy way.
Music is definitely a go-to.
An outlet I’ve been using since I was 13 is music. Music speaks to me in a way nothing else does. No matter the situation, there’s something out there to help you process those feelings.
Try to keep in contact with friends.
Instead of shutting down, try your best to keep in contact with your friends. Being alone in this state could be the most detrimental thing to your mental health. Your brain is lying to you, and you need your friends to show you that.
Naps are fun.
The number of naps I’ve taken in this situation is too many to count. Sometimes, a good nap can really help you clear your mind.
Get out and try your best to be productive.
When I leave my house, I start to feel slightly better. The physical place you’re in really does impact how you feel. Go to a coffee shop, do a quick workout at the gym, or just spend some time looking at the ridiculous stuff in Target (bonus points if you bring a friend).
Write it out.
What I’m doing right now, literally. It helps you get all of the negative emotions on paper and out of your system, and sometimes, that’s the quick fix you need. If you don’t like writing, there are many other creative options to express your emotions.
Here’s a quick article about how to creatively express your negative emotions.
When in doubt, cry.
No, really, let it all out. It helps a lot more than you know. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, sometimes the only way to feel better is to break that bottle and let those emotions flow.
Emotions demand to be felt, positive and negative. Ignoring the bad and glorifying the good only makes your mental health worse. Learn your go-to’s on how to react to these feelings. Once you do, it makes life so much easier. Don’t ignore it. Embrace your joy, grief, sadness, and happiness.
Sincerely, Abbey
Photography: Abbey C.