“What Are We?“: Dating in College
There is one question most young adults don’t know how to answer: “What are we?”
I’m not even in any type of relationship, and that question stresses me out.
When you meet someone new and you hit it off, most people in this generation don’t know if it will go anywhere. Having someone tell you their intentions right off the bat is truly a rare find (and less stressful).
Half of my friends have given up on finding a relationship all together. Guessing games that put you on an emotional rollercoaster on top of the copious amount of homework due at 11:59 p.m.? No thanks.
Having been in this murky zone of terror myself, I thought I’d give some advice for those in need. Trust me, I know you need it.
Most people who can’t commit … won’t.
Waiting on someone who messes with your head is exhausting. You could constantly wish to be together with that person, but life doesn’t work that way. Life is messy, complicated, and above all … unknown. Trying to plan a future around someone who can’t commit isn’t fair to yourself.
Don’t wait for a text back.
Most girls will fantasize a perfect world to help them get through their day. Trust me, I know, I do it all the time. Remember: you can’t fantasize the person that’s unable to express his or her true feelings. Want to know why? You’ll start falling for an unreal version of his or her personality and character. Let me tell you, that’s not fun.
Just because you connect doesn’t mean it’s fate.
This was a hard one for me to learn. You could get along with someone so well, but that doesn’t mean he or she is “the one.” There are so many people out there that you could get along with just as well. Don’t settle for the bare minimum.
If you really want it, you have to initiate “the talk.”
Living life in confusion is definitely not the way to go. With people gaslighting every second of the day, you need to make your intentions clear. If the person doesn’t respond or changes the question, you know not to waste your time. So many of my friends have wasted months on a guy that had no intention of a relationship to begin with.
History does not equal future.
The nostalgia and history you have with a person is a TRAP! Don’t base your opinion and future around the talks you had years ago; base your relationship on the talks you have now. Living in emotion and good times keeps you from seeing someone for who they really are.
Don’t let your emotions guide you.
This was also a hard one for me to learn. I’m an emotional person; I need to feel and understand what’s happening. It’s good to be in tune with your emotions, but don’t let them completely dictate your decisions. I can’t tell you how many mistakes I’ve made because I followed my anger or sadness. You need to feel them completely, but don’t act.
Dating is probably the hardest thing to do as a young adult. There’s so much pressure to find your other half in college, like it’s a requirement to get married as soon as you get that degree. NEWSFLASH: it’s not. Focus on your work, passions, and friendships. Don’t get me wrong, if a relationship comes your way, welcome it. What I’m saying is not to force a relationship with the wrong person. Remember to put yourself first, not your unrealistic expectations.
Sincerely, Abbey
Photography: Abbey C.