The Struggles of a Recovering People Pleaser
Recently, I thought about how easy it is to lose yourself in a situation.
I didn’t even truly find myself or what I stood for until I got to college.
In high school, I played a role. I acted and supported ideals that others wanted me to. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life; I was lost. Fitting into a mold is so much easier than truly figuring yourself out.
I think this is just the past people pleaser in me, but I sometimes find myself reverting to my old ways every once in a while. It scares me.
If I hear differing opinions or sense conflict, I freeze. I don’t want confrontation, but I also don’t want to be someone I’m not. It’s a hard cycle to unlearn.
Confrontation and differing opinions are okay. You aren’t going to get along with someone completely, and if you do, one of you is lying about something. Everyone has a different perception based around their own lives and experiences.
There’s one obvious reason why I have this fear: judgement. I hate the idea of someone looking at me in a negative or indifferent light. This struggle is even harder if the disagreement happens in person or on the phone. I’ll completely short circuit.
As much as I hate it, I can’t help but care about what people think of me. It’s something I know I have to work on, and it’s not an easy fix.
One positive is that I haven’t completely hidden my beliefs so far, and I haven’t denied them to please others. That’s some progress, and I’m proud of myself for sticking my ground—even if I was filled with uncontrollable anxiety the entire time.
Moral of the story: stay true to you and your values. It’s the foundation of how you view every single aspect of the world. It’s okay to be different, and it’s okay to not agree all the time.
Sincerely, Abbey
Photography: Hannah B.