No More Tears: Dealing With Suffering
I sat in silence as the old man in front of me wept. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That was the saddest day of my life.”
I was interviewing him for the book I’m writing here in Colombia; he was telling me the story of how his son was shot in the street in front of his house and then died in his arms.
I didn’t know how to reply. What can you even say to that kind of grief?
About 20 minutes later, I asked him “What is the most important thing you’ve learned in your life and years of ministry?”
“Confiar en Dios,” he replied immediately. He had literally just finished telling me a horrific story of his own son’s death. Then, he turned around and told me the single most important thing he learned through it all was to trust in God.
Truly, I was floored. I came in to work that day with a heavy heart; some concerns and troubles were weighing on me, and I was beginning to question God and his purposes.
Here in Colombia I think I’m a little closer to suffering than I normally am in the U.S. It’s just out on the streets for everyone to see— literally. Just yesterday we passed a motorcycle wreck on the side of the road. The driver was lying flat on the ground, a group of people huddled over him.
Then on the way back, we had to take a different way home because there was a massive buildup of traffic on the other route—a bus had crashed. Three people had died immediately and others were strewn, bloody and injured, along the road. They were just lying there.
Sometimes in the streets we pass kids sitting on steps, and my host father points out the drugs they are using. We see homeless people, we see crazy people, we see hopeless people.
The story I am writing of the ministry I’m working for is one set against a backdrop of immense violence and suffering. At that time in the history of Colombia, death wasn’t news anymore. It was everywhere. Every day. It has since improved immensely, but there are many old widows in the hills of the city, their husbands victims of the violence of the 1980s Medellín drug cartel.
Then today, I had several friends reach out to me and share that they were struggling. Sadness, sickness, worry, all of it.
Later in the day, I was aimlessly scrolling through Instagram, as one does, and came across a story of a girl I follow—Jessa Wylie. She was telling a personal story of a rough time she had come through in her life, but how she was in a much better place now. Something she said stuck with me: “There’s a lot of life to live after your lowest point.”
There are three main concepts that help me when I am going through a hard time, that special anguish of spirt that I think afflicts us all at some point.
1. You’re not alone.
Something that immediately gives me a huge breath of relief is when I realize that I’m not the only one that feels like this. This is why being honest with your friends about your feelings and struggles is good not only for you, but for them too. I also listen to songs with lyrics that reflect what I’m feeling. Ghost Ship’s “Where Were You” starts out with the words “I said, ‘God I do not understand this world. Everything is dying and broken. Why do I see nothing but suffering?’” Sometimes I feel like that. And I’m glad I’m not the only one.
2. God is with us
Even though we are simply not promised to have an easy life, we are promised that God will be with us. This reminds me of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago in Daniel 3. Fun fact: most people think I’m named after Hannah in the Bible from the book of I Samuel but I’m actually named after Hananiah, which is Shadrach’s Hebrew name.
This story is about these three guys who defied the king’s orders to worship another god. So, they were bound thrown into a fiery furnace. The furnace was so hot that the guards who threw them in the furnace died. Then the king was astonished to see the men walking around in the furnace. And not only that— but there were now four men in the furnace. The fourth man had an appearance like “a son of the gods.”
Even if we must pass through the fire, God goes with us.
3. There’s a reason we don’t like suffering.
As much as I try to reconcile myself to the fact that suffering is just a part of earthly life and our good God still loves us, I don’t ever quite reach the point where I’m having a great time in the midst of whatever trial I’m walking through. I long for it to end. It’s a daily battle of seeking joy in the midst of the hard. But I think there’s a reason why everything within us rails against and is saddened by suffering.
It’s because we weren’t created to suffer. We were created to walk on a perfect earth with a perfect God. Yet, sadly, we sinned, allowing evil and sadness to enter into the world. But the good news is that we do get to have that perfect life! If we believe in Christ, we are promised an eternal life with Him where there will be no more mourning or crying or pain, where He will wipe away our every tear. We can rejoice in that no matter what!
So, whatever you are going through today, take heart. The night will end and the sun will rise!
Sincerely, Hannah
Photography: Hannah B.