Imposter Syndrome: Am I Good Enough?
Ever since I was a little girl, I never recognized my abilities.
If I got an award, I assumed it was from sheer luck. I always felt like the odd ball out.
Want to know something? I still feel this way on a daily basis. I feel like I don’t truly belong, as if I never earned any of the positions I have worked.
When I was at The Rec, I worked my way up to photography manager and managing editor. The entire time I felt like I wasn’t smart enough for these roles. I didn’t see my work as talent; instead, it was mediocre.
Even recently, two of my business features placed first and second in Alabama Press Association’s Media Awards. This was HUGE, and I still didn’t believe that was real. I really thought I just got lucky.
I truly am my own biggest critic, and I have to remind myself of this every single day. No one is more critical of you than yourself. I am my own biggest hater.
I can even remember when this mindset started to form. I was around 8 or 9 years old, and it was summer break.
I looked at myself in the mirror while getting ready for the pool, and I can still feel the pit in my stomach that came from my reflection. I thought to myself, “Why am I so ugly? I look so fat; I want to be like my siblings.”
When I started playing rec league softball in the 3rd grade, I hit my first home run in the playoffs. I was excited I actually did it, but I still hear that voice in the back of my head.
“You just got lucky. Any 9 year old could hit the ball like that if they wanted to. You don’t deserve to celebrate.”
When I was 12, I made it on my school’s varsity volleyball team. I was the only one moved up from my grade, but I still thought it was only because I was lucky. It wasn’t good enough.
It’s funny how I can still remember these memories 10 years later.
Fast forward to today: this very voice is still just as prevalent.
When I started working in news, I had to remind myself that I was a good writer. If I made a small mistake, the voice would make a comment.
“Maybe you really aren’t cut out for this job,” it would whisper. “You should just give up now; you add nothing.”
The only difference is that now I try my hardest not to listen. I have to remind myself that this self judgement is false.
It’s a constant battle; I won’t lie about that. I think it always will be, but I can combat it.
If this is relatable at all to you, my lovely reader, first off I want to say I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.
Secondly, you matter more than you think. You just need to surround yourself with people who support you. The more friends cheering you on, the easier it will be to get out of the self-deprecating rut.
Therapy is also a good option. As you guys know, I’m a huge fan of my therapist. Without him, I probably wouldn’t be who I am today. The growth has been tremendous; he’s my bestie.
Imposter syndrome is real, and it’s a constant struggle for many perfectionists out there. I wanted to share my bite-sized experiences to show it’s not something to be scared of. It’s normal; there is nothing wrong with you.
If that voice in your head says you aren’t talented enough or that you don’t belong, let me know. I’ll beat ‘em up. Because guess what? You are talented, and you do belong. Believe that.
Sincerely, Abbey