Untangling the Past
“I always wondered this, but what was even happening between you two?”
Man, I have no idea. Absolutely no clue.
Now, you may be thinking, “Abbey what happened with who? What is the context?” Well, that is something I won’t fully reveal. I will talk about the situation surrounding the conversation, though.
Some relationships are confusing. You never really know where you stand, and it’s a weird limbo of dreams and reality. It’s wishing for more when nothing fully happens, and that in itself is draining.
I was in denial for a while, but I do realize that I let the situation go on for too long.
I don’t trust people easily, so when someone actually earns it, I refuse to let them go. I’ll be oblivious to the pain caused because I trusted them at one point.
Starting new with someone else is hard and exhausting. You have to reopen yourself in hopes of a better outcome. It’s like gambling your mental health with a 10% chance it could end in a valuable relationship. The odds suck, but we will always put it on the line for those that are worth it.
Now, it’s hard to even see who has that potential of something more. Trust slowly depletes each time you are let down in both friendships and romance. It’s uncomfortable to open yourself up again, and a huge amount of courage is needed to even consider the idea of something new.
A new situation may be exciting, but it also opens an avenue for more pain. Is it worth the risk? For the right people, yes. But don’t force yourself to open up if you aren’t mentally ready.
Even if you are ready, prepare yourself. You never know where a person could lead you or what you will learn along the way.
I’m a big on trusting your gut instinct, and so far my gut hasn’t failed me once. Have some of the decisions been hard? Absolutely. Does that mean I regret them? Nope.
The hardest situations lead to self-realization, and self-realization then leads to a better you, but you won’t notice the change over a single night. Sometimes, it may take years to realize how much you’ve grown.
All I know in my 23 years of living is that you never truly know what someone thinks about you. You won’t fully know until you ask that person directly. Even then, they may not tell you the full truth.
So, hearing a “what happened between y’all” type of question is a hard one to answer. For this particular situation: I have no idea what we were. I have no clue what happened, and I was too scared to ask.
Confrontation is my biggest kryptonite. I hate change, even if it’s something better. It takes a lot for me to even consider the possibility of something, or someone, different.
I don’t think this is something foreign to a lot of people; I know I’m not alone in this. Sharing feelings and deep thoughts with anyone is terrifying, but it’s also detrimental to keep these things inside. All it does is hurt you, not them.
In some situations, it’s better to say something than nothing at all, even if the thoughts aren’t directly shared with the person. You just need to let it out and process the situation, you know.
That’s what I’m doing currently, and it’s comforting to sit down and fully articulate my feelings. Every feeling and situation are jumbled into one big ball. I learned that you need to untangle these connections piece-by-piece to fully understand the impact of each one.
It’s long and tedious, but it makes you better in the end. All I have to say is only untangle the past when you are ready. Doing it too early could cause more harm than good, and you deserve more than that.
Sincerely, Abbey