On the Edge
I’m three weeks out from graduating college.
It’s a bittersweet ending accompanied by every type of emotion—excitement, expectation, hope, fear, and doubt.
For 22 years, I have had a prescribed life plan— go to school. I mean, if I didn’t go to school until I was 18 the truancy officer would have come for me. Now, for the first time in my life, I can do whatever I want. Go wherever I want. Be whoever I want to be. And it’s exciting, sure, but also terrifying.
I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a mountain. Everything that’s familiar is behind me. An entire unknown and completely new life stretches out before me. Behind me is school and studying and professors and classes. Ahead of me is taxes and buying houses and paying bills and working and making new friends and being an adult and who knows what else.
Where will I be in 5 years? I don’t have the faintest clue. I’m walking the edge of a cliff, teetering on a line between two different eras of my life, and graduation is the magic portal to a different world.
And I’m terrified of the jump, scared of the fall.
But aren’t we always? Aren’t we always scared to jump?
You have to remember: we jump for the beauty we find in the fall.
Think of the fear you felt jumping off the diving board for the first time as a child. Maybe you had to climb that ladder and come back down a few times before you finally stayed up there. But think of the world it opened up to you when you just held your nose tight, squeezed your eyes shut, and mustered up the courage to leap off the end of that board. Then you could learn to flip and twist and dive.
If you’ve been skydiving or cliff diving or even ziplining, the initial jump is always utterly terrifying. But the view on the way down is beautiful, incredible, and life-changing.
That’s what I’m trying to remember. I can’t see what’s on the other side of the cliff. There’s always danger involved in jumping and opening yourself to something new and scary. But there’s also potential for the greatest views and experiences and beauty of your life.
Once in high school I hiked a mountain with my cross-country team. We sweated and climbed and labored up the mountain, excited for the promise of a beautiful view. But when we got to the top, we couldn’t see a thing. All we could see was white in every direction— because it was super foggy that day. Every now and then we would get a glimpse of blue sky through a parting in the clouds.
That’s the mountain it feels like I’m on. And I’m being asked to jump off of it. I can’t see what’s below or ahead. But sometimes, the clouds part and I see some blue sky.
I’m scared of the leap, but I’m daring to hope that the fall will be beautiful and thrilling and so worth it. So come on, let’s run and jump off that cliff together. Or if all you can do is scoot your butt off the edge, that’s ok too. Here’s to the beauty and the thrill and the newness of whatever is over that edge.
Sincerely, Hannah
Photography: Hannah B.