Controlling the Uncontrollable
A few weeks ago, my therapist made me aware of something: as much as I want to say I’m not a control freak, I still am.
My distrust in others, especially in academics, doesn’t allow me to celebrate once my job is done.
Now, you may be thinking, “Abbey, the fact that you worry about assignments and grading is good! I’d rather be extremely worried with high A’s than unbothered with C’s.” Newsflash: no, no you don’t.
No matter how perfect my work is, I can never fully be happy or relieved when finishing an assignment. In fact, once I’m done with something, that’s when the anxiety really kicks in. I won’t be able to sleep because it’s out of my control at that point.
I know this is probably a common issue, and I wanted to give some pointers on how to break this vicious cycle.
Try your best to remind yourself you’ll be okay.
Most of the time, I stress myself out for no reason. I’ll think of all of the ways my work could fail, even though I did my best. Next time you send in an assignment or have to go into the unknown, remind yourself that no matter the outcome you will be okay. Most likely, the thing you’re stressing over won’t matter in the future.
Realize you are your own biggest critic.
I know this, but it’s easy to forget. Even if I write something amazing, I will think it’s awful if I find one small error. Does that discredit my entire article? Absolutely not. Most of the time, my “error” is a style choice I may like better. So, it’s not even a mistake.
Next time you do something, realize others most likely won’t be as harsh as your own critiques. I can’t tell you how many times I thought I was going to fail a writing assignment and proceeded to get one of the highest grades in the class. Embrace your work and understand one small mistake won’t ruin your entire life.
Your worth is more than what you produce.
There is SO MUCH more about you! Stressing about grades and perfection doesn’t help you in the long run; it only makes it harder for you to reach your true potential.
Don’t expect the worst from people, and in my case, teachers.
The reason I get so stressed turning in projects is because I’m scared the professor will grade or misinterpret my article. With journalism, a lot of grading is on style, and that can be debated. It’s hard for me to trust the opinions of my professors at times because of all of my experience. If I get a low A, that will even bug me. What you have to realize is professors aren’t setting you up to fail; they only want to help you. I haven’t gotten one bad grade back from any of them; it’s just a fear that always lingers in the back of my mind.
You can’t control everything.
No matter how much you want to, you can’t; accepting that helps your sanity. Trying to control the uncontrollable just makes you doubt yourself and your skills more. Do your best to remember that things out of your control aren’t your problem.
This is a process and requires effort from YOU!
This control-centered anxiety won’t go away on its own. You have to make strides to fix it, and let me tell you, it isn’t easy. Through therapy and mindfulness, I do think I have gotten better, and I know I will continue to overcome my anxiety.
Well, there you have it. Control is something all of us wish we had, but most of the time, situations are uncontrollable. Be okay allowing life to just take its course. You are more than a grade or achievement.
Keep being you.
Sincerely, Abbey
Photography: Abbey C.